My least favorite part about the Olympic Games was witnessing the flood of tweets from people sitting on their couches, critiquing those who are out there giving their all. Social media has a peculiar way of reminding us how quick some are to judge, offering a stark reminder not to place too much faith in humanity.
The “Man in the Arena” quotation from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech “Citizenship in a Republic” frames this discussion perfectly:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena…”
I’ve wasted more of my wild and precious life than I care to admit, agonizing over the opinions of others. It’s an affliction I’ve battled time and again. But then, one day, I had an epiphany that transformed my entire perspective:
You will never be criticized by someone who is doing more than you. You will only be criticized by someone doing less.
I’m not exaggerating when I say this realization changed my life. It allowed me to see the commentary from the cheap seats for what it truly is—pathetic. It’s so easy to sit on the sidelines and critique the decisions and actions of those who are actually doing the work. Admittedly, I’ve been that person before. I’ve questioned the decisions of leaders without being willing to roll up my sleeves and join the effort.
A funny thing happens when you move up in an organization or do something bold enough to draw attention—you suddenly become a magnet for opinions. People who have never walked in your shoes, who have never faced the challenges you encounter, suddenly have a lot to say.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Feedback is crucial, and criticism—when it comes from a sincere place of caring and a desire to help you improve—is a gift. Mentors and sponsors provide invaluable feedback, but there’s a distinct difference: they’re rooting for you. Their criticism is constructive, designed to elevate you, unlike the jeers from the sidelines meant to tear you down.
The Art of Meaningful Criticism
Meaningful criticism comes from those who understand the struggle because they’re in the trenches with you. Those who criticize from the sidelines, however, are often individuals who are not actively involved in the efforts they critique. Instead of contributing, they choose to tear down those who are doing the work. The distinction between these kinds of feedback is important because you must be able to filter out unproductive criticism and focus on the feedback that fosters growth.
This sounds easy, but it’s not. As humans, we are hardwired to focus on negative information instead of the positive due to a cognitive phenomenon known as negativity bias. Evolutionarily, this bias served as a survival mechanism, helping our ancestors be alert to dangers. As a result, we tend to give more weight to negative comments and criticism than to positive feedback. Negative feedback tends to evoke stronger emotional responses, making it more memorable. A single critical remark can overshadow multiple positive comments, leading to a disproportionate focus on the negative. When I get survey results and feedback from my speaking engagements, I will focus on the one negative comment and ignore the 100 that are positive.
Building Emotional Resilience
I am a work in progress when it comes to building emotional resilience to filter out the unproductive and negative critics by learning to let go of unhelpful comments. I finally came to the realization that the sideline critics are projecting their own insecurities and inadequacies onto others. Their criticism is rooted in their own lack of accomplishment. They try to bring others down to feel better about themselves.
This understanding—that those doing less are more likely to criticize—was liberating. It’s always easier to tear down than to build up. And those who aren’t engaged in the hard work find solace in attacking those who are.
One of the remedies is to stay focused on your mission. When you’re deeply connected to your pursuit, the opinions of those not contributing become less relevant. Surround yourself with people who understand your vision and provide you with constructive feedback.
Here’s the truth about the people who try to tear you down instead of build you up: their words have no power unless you give it to them.
Conclusion
In the end, it’s the person who dares to step into the arena, to risk failure in pursuit of something greater, who truly counts. Ignore the noise from the cheap seats. They are not the ones shaping the future—you are.
