As an only child navigating a tumultuous home life, I learned early on that I had to fend for myself. Childhood dysfunction, as crazy as it sounds, can forge resilience. Many of us have developed our best traits out of necessity, shaped by the challenges we’ve faced. My independence? It’s one of my greatest strengths. But as I’ve grown older, I’ve started to question the story I’ve told myself for years—the story that I don’t need anyone.
This story is part of a larger narrative, one that so many of us buy into: the tough guy mentality. But here’s the thing—sometimes, to truly thrive, we need to disrupt that mindset.
The Problem with Self-Reliance
We’ve been conditioned to believe that doing it all alone makes us stronger. We wear self-reliance like armor, convinced that needing help is a weakness. But this belief doesn’t build resilience—it drains us. The tough guy attitude that says independence is the only path to strength is a lie. And the truth is, it’s a mindset that needs disrupting.
True strength doesn’t come from doing it all alone. It comes from connection. We need to disrupt the very idea that relying on others makes us weaker. In reality, it makes us human—and stronger than we could ever be by ourselves.
The Loneliness of Fending for Yourself
For years, I prided myself on my independence. I thought needing someone meant I was weak, so I handled everything alone. But eventually, self-reliance becomes lonely. When you’re carrying everything on your own shoulders, it’s easy to become isolated, and you may not even realize how alone you are until it’s too late.
I learned this lesson in my police department. People told me that being at the top would be lonely, and they were right. It felt like I’d jumped off a cliff, building a parachute on the way down. I was confident in my abilities, but in truth, I had no idea what I was doing in my new role. I felt like I was freefalling, and for the first time in my life, I started asking people for help. The moment I admitted my uncertainty, everything changed—I didn’t feel alone anymore.
Disrupting my mindset around self-reliance allowed me to grow. We are conditioned to think that vulnerability erodes credibility, but in my experience, the opposite is true. Vulnerability builds trust. Every single time I asked for help, someone threw me a lifeline.
We Don’t Realize How Exhausted We Are
Most of us are pushing through life with something to prove. We keep running because the responsibilities don’t stop—work, family, life. The pressure is relentless, and we think that if we just keep going, everything will eventually fall into place. But here’s the problem: we don’t realize how exhausted we are until it’s too late.
Burnout doesn’t give you warning signs – at least it never has for me. There’s no gentle nudge telling you to slow down. One day, you’re running at full speed, and the next, you hit a wall. It’s abrupt and unforgiving. And in that moment, when you’re standing there, staring at that wall of exhaustion, you realize something profound: you can’t keep doing this alone.
You don’t know how much you need to rest until someone tells you, “It’s OK to fall. I’ll catch you.” Who is that person for you?
Disrupting the tough guy mentality means recognizing that asking for help isn’t admitting defeat—it’s preventing it. We all need someone to help us see when we’ve pushed too far. Without those people, we risk pushing until we break.
Admitting You Need Help Takes Courage
The toughest people I know aren’t the ones who soldier on alone. The truly strong are the ones who admit when they can’t do it all. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of wisdom. It takes courage to disrupt the myth of invincibility, to admit you’re not impervious, and to let someone catch you when you fall.
My son has taught me a lot about resilience and courage. As an actor, rejection is a part of his daily life. He’s learned to develop a mindset where failing to land a role doesn’t mean he’s a failure. He pragmatically reminds himself of his talent and abilities, even when a casting director doesn’t see him as a fit. But even with all that inner strength, there are times when his confidence falters.
One day, while walking around New York City, he called me—frustrated and on the verge of tears. He was stuck in a mindset rut, questioning everything. In that moment, he didn’t wait for someone to pick him up after he fell—he reached out before the fall even happened. We talked it through, and as we did, I realized just how strong he really is. He is my hero because he knows the value of asking for help before it’s too late.
Disrupting the mindset that says, “You’re in this alone” opens the door to deeper connections, and that trust builds resilience.
Burnout is Not a Badge of Honor
There’s a myth in our culture that burnout is just part of the grind, that it’s something to be proud of. But burnout isn’t a badge of honor—it’s a warning sign. Burnout is what happens when we try to carry it all by ourselves, when we believe the lie that we don’t need anyone’s help.
The tough guy mentality only leads to exhaustion and diminished performance. High achievers know better. They understand that rest and recovery aren’t optional—they’re essential. Disrupting the mindset that glorifies burnout is a step toward a healthier, more sustainable version of success. Asking for help isn’t failing—it’s making sure you have the strength to keep going.
We’re Stronger Together
At the end of the day, the tough guy lie unravels. True resilience isn’t about going it alone—it’s about building a strong network of support that empowers you to keep going, even when you stumble. Disrupting our self-reliant mindsets means understanding that we are all stronger together.
Falling down is part of the process. We’re human. We all stumble, we all fall. But the people around you make sure you get back up. When we trust others to catch us, we learn that vulnerability is not weakness—it’s our greatest strength.
So, ask yourself: Who’s standing behind you, ready to catch you when you need to fall?
Don’t let the tough guy lie convince you that you have to do it all alone. Disrupt that mindset. Lean into your support system, admit when you need help, and remember that we are all stronger together.
Keep on disrupting, my fellow disrupters!
Onward and upward,
Kristen
