“I’m bored.”
When I uttered those words as a kid, my dad would put me to work doing chores, so I quickly learned to never make that exclamation. Instead, I busied myself by being crafty and creative to avoid being summoned to help clean the garage. All I needed was paper and pens, and I was immersed. Looking back, I credit my creative side to my mom, who constantly took me to the craft store. She bought me kits to cross-stitch, polish rocks, and paint by number. When I got older, she got me a button maker, and I designed and made my own buttons for my jacket and backpack. [Buttons were cool back then. Fight me.]
I was constantly creating and even as an only child, if I was bored, it was my own fault.
I didn’t realize it then, but here is what I know now: life’s excitement and fulfillment are largely dependent on our own efforts and choices. Author Maria Semple wrote this sentence in her book, “Where’d You Go, Bernadette:”
“I’m going to let you in on a little secret about life. You think it’s boring now? Well, it only gets more boring. The sooner you learn it’s on you to make life interesting, the better off you’ll be.”
Obviously, that idea resonated with me since I highlighted the passage. There is a lot of research dedicated to the concept of boredom, and one psychologist uncovered the concept of “flow” – which is the antithesis of boredom. Flow is a psychological state described by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a Hungarian American psychologist. Flow refers to the experience of complete immersion and optimal performance in an activity. When in flow, individuals are so involved in what they are doing that they become unaware of everything else around them. This state is often described as being “in the zone.”
Think of an activity you engage in that causes you to lose track of all time, where hours can feel like minutes. It’s a feeling of total immersion where you are focused on something so intensely that you block out distractions. That’s flow state.
Writing is that for me. When I’m clicking away on my keyboard, hours go by, and when I finally emerge from my focus, I realize that I’ve forgotten to eat. The thing that puts you in “flow” is challenging enough to keep you interested, but not too hard that it makes you stressed or anxious. And of course, if it’s too easy, boredom can result. Basically, flow is the sweet spot.
If you can’t come up with a single activity that puts you in a state of flow, you’ve got some work to do because the hard truth is that bored people are boring. Yeah, I said it. It’s your job to make your own life more interesting, and the only thing holding you back is a failure of imagination. You don’t need a big bank account to get adventurous. You just need enough curiosity and bravery to dabble in something new.
Boredom can also creep into our relationships, causing them to feel stale and monotonous over time. Just as with personal interests, it’s up to us to shake things up and keep our relationships vibrant. This might mean planning spontaneous date nights, trying out new activities together, or simply having deeper, more meaningful conversations. Turn off the television. Put down your phone. Talk to your partner. Do something adventurous to reignite the excitement and connection (read this any way you choose). The key is to be proactive and creative in nurturing our relationships to prevent them from becoming mundane.
You can begin by making a list of things you’ve always wanted to do. Expand that list to things that intrigue you and inspire you to learn more. From your list, start experimenting. Try out different hobbies for short periods to see what sticks. Move out of your comfort zone and begin. On topics that interest you, consider attending workshops and seminars to learn about the new subject. Watch a YouTube video. (I’m convinced YouTube is better than college). Take a non-credit class and dive in. My daughter and I wanted to learn the art of calligraphy, so we signed up for a community class at the local college. It was so much fun sharing time with her and sucking at calligraphy together.
When you begin a new pursuit, you’re not going to be good at it right away. That’s why people stay stuck – because they fear change and stepping out of comfort zones. But here is what I know for sure: taking responsibility to pull yourself out of your boredom rut leads to a more fulfilling life.
Doing stuff you love to do makes you happier. It’s that simple. Intrinsic motivation plays a crucial role in finding and maintaining activities that keep life interesting. Activities driven by internal motivation are more satisfying and engaging than those driven by external rewards. All this means is to find activities that you genuinely enjoy and are passionate about. Life gets busy with obligations and your day job, but you must make the time to do the things that put you in a state of flow.
Boredom is a choice.
Remember, the only limit is your imagination. Embrace curiosity, take control, and transform your life into an exciting adventure. The sooner you realize it’s up to you to create excitement and fulfillment, the more vibrant your life will become.
Figure out what makes you come alive and go do more of that. The world needs people who have come alive.
Onward and upward, my fellow disrupters.
