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A year ago, I found myself sitting in the parking lot of a CrossFit gym, immobilized by fear. I made a commitment to incorporate strength training into my life but secretly wondered if it was too late. I was paralyzed by self-doubt, imagining myself floundering amidst a group of people who probably knew exactly what they were doing. The door to the gym felt heavier than any weight inside, and James Clear’s words on the Next Big Idea podcast rang true: “The heaviest weight in the gym is the front door.”
Eventually, I mustered the courage to walk in. The first person to talk to me was Kelly. She spotted my nerves immediately, welcomed me, and engaged me in small talk. By the time we discovered we had lived in neighboring cities in Illinois, I was already feeling a little less like an outsider. Kelly’s kindness helped me take a deep breath and commit to sucking at something new.
My first coach, Tracey, had a similar effect. She was warm and supportive but made it clear that kindness and weakness don’t belong in the same sentence. Tracey was a beast—and I mean that in the best way possible. When I first started CrossFit, I used the training barbell. It was light, manageable, and safe. I added a few plates here and there but never pushed myself too hard. I was confident, comfortable, and maybe a little complacent. Tracey noticed.
One day, she side-eyed me during a workout before finally walking over. “You need to put more weight on that barbell,” she said. I wanted to push back. Look, Coach, I’m good. I’m not training for the CrossFit Games. I’m here to fight aging, wrestle with future grandkids, and put my luggage in the overhead bin without help. But instead of arguing, I followed her advice. “Yes, Coach,” I said, adding more weight. That became our cycle: I’d get comfortable, and she’d challenge me to do more.
And I flourished.
Over the past year, I’ve built more strength and confidence at 51 than I ever had in my 40s. I feel strong, capable, and even sexy. I can also confidently say I’m ready to mess up anyone who tries to mug me—but that’s just a bonus.
The lessons haven’t stopped, though. This week, I faced another test during a partner workout. I was paired with Annie, a beautiful and inspiring woman who’s older than me—late-60s, I’d guess. The workout included an obnoxious number of rope climbs, and after completing four, I froze. Staring at the rope, I felt my confidence waver. Then Annie looked at me and said, “You can do another one.”
Her belief in me was undeniable. She wasn’t just giving me lip service; she genuinely thought I could do it. And because of that, I did. Then I did another. By the end of the workout, I had completed seven rope climbs. Annie’s belief in me had carried me further than I thought possible. This is the magic of trusting others—and allowing them to push you when you doubt yourself.
CrossFit has taught me this lesson over and over: there is always someone cheering, supporting, and pushing you, even in the middle of their own struggles. These moments have forged unexpected friendships. I’ve started hanging out with some of these badass women outside the gym. We work hard, play hard, and find common ground in shared sweat and laughter. If you’re looking for meaningful connections, find something you love and do it in a group setting. Chances are, you’ll find your tribe.
As a Christmas gift to myself, I invested in a garage gym. I bought a rack system, benches, plates, bars, and all the bells and whistles. Our kids even gifted us a fancy digital clock timer that made the setup feel legit. I love having this space, but it’s taught me another lesson: I’m not great at pushing myself when I’m alone. Without Coach Tracey’s side-eyes or Annie’s encouragement, I tend to half-ass my workouts.
This realization has reinforced a deeper truth: we’re not meant to go it alone, in the gym or in life. The biggest weight we have to learn to carry is the weight it takes to lean on others for support. It’s not always easy to admit when we need help, but trusting the people who spot us—both physically and emotionally—is one of the most powerful things we can do.
Research backs this up. A study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that people who cultivate strong social connections experience greater well-being and resilience. Another study in Psychological Science showed that simply believing others have confidence in us can enhance our performance.
So here’s the takeaway: trust the coach who says you can lift heavier. Trust the friend who says you’re stronger than you think. And trust yourself to show up, even when the door feels impossibly heavy.
Because the truth is, we’re all capable of more than we realize. And sometimes, it takes someone else’s belief to remind us of that. Whether you’re in the gym or navigating life’s challenges, let others spot you, cheer for you, and push you forward. Lean on them when you need to and return the favor when they do. That’s how we grow—together.
Keep lifting, keep trusting, and keep showing up. The best is yet to come.
Onward and upward, my fellow disrupters.
KZ
