Our daughter, Bailey, called us for advice about a career decision she was wrestling with. She laid out her options with clarity, hoping for some guidance. My wife and I, ever the seasoned sages with a few extra decades of life under our belts, saw the path forward so clearly—and we both landed on the same answer.
Naturally, we proceeded to explain our rationale like we were Aristotle and Socrates reincarnated. Stability. Security. A “sure thing.” That’s the kind of advice you give your adult children (or anyone you love) when you’re trying to steer them toward safe harbor.
Bailey listened patiently. And then she hit us with this:
“The entire time you were speaking, I started feeling defensive and formed a counterpoint for everything you said. That tells me I’m going to do the opposite.”
Glad we could help, I guess.
But I learned something so valuable: Her response has now become my personal litmus test for decision-making. When you ask for advice and someone offers a strong opinion, pay attention to your internal response. Do you feel relief? Doubt? Rage? That visceral reaction is your compass. Sometimes the best way to discover what you want is to listen to what you don’t.
The Coin Toss Test
A simpler version of this gut-check method? Flip a coin. No, seriously.
Assign each side of the coin to one of your options. The moment that coin is suspended in mid-air, you’ll catch yourself hoping for one side to win. And there it is—your decision, revealed not by fate, but by your desire.
This isn’t just a life hack. Research from neuroscientist Dr. Antonio Damasio supports the power of emotional data in decision-making. In his studies, he found that patients with damaged emotional centers in the brain struggled to make even simple choices. Without emotions, logic alone couldn’t carry the weight of decision-making. In other words, your “gut” is more than a cliché—it’s neurologically wired into how you choose. I didn’t know the science behind it, but I know this for sure: every time in my life I’ve made a decision allowing logic to lead and ignoring my intuition, I’ve regretted it. Your gut is a magnet that pulls you towards what is best for you and there is a feeling you feel within you when you are fighting against it. That’s not very scientific, I know. But we have all experienced it.
The Pro/Con Trap
We’ve all made the good ol’ pro and con list. It feels responsible. It feels rational. But here’s the reality: life doesn’t neatly balance out in columns.
In early 2020, I made it as a finalist for the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department. When that outcome felt real, I made my trusty pro/con list. The “cons” were screaming at me. The political landmines. The looming pandemic. The already fraying system. The pros were fewer—but one of them carried more emotional weight than all the cons combined.
I wanted that job.
Even if it meant risking failure. And I most certainly would’ve failed. When George Floyd was killed and Chicago erupted in unrest, the person who got the job—David Brown—was instantly out of sync with the mayor. That would’ve been my fate, too. I dodged a bullet (pun fully intended), but the desire was still real.
That’s when I realized: not all items on your list carry the same weight. One powerful “pro” can cancel out a laundry list of cons. And one glaring “con” can eclipse every logical argument in favor.
This aligns with research from Columbia University psychologist Dr. Sheena Iyengar, who studies the paradox of choice. Her work shows that more information doesn’t always lead to better decisions—it often leads to overwhelm. Instead of clarity, we get analysis paralysis.
The Decision Framework That Works
So I’ve ditched the spreadsheet of doom. Here’s what I use now:
- What’s the worst thing that could happen?
- Am I willing to accept that?
→ If yes, proceed. - What’s the best thing that could happen?
→ Now focus all your energy there.
Once you’ve sat with the worst-case scenario, you’ve removed fear from the driver’s seat. And when you place your focus on the best possible outcome, you anchor yourself in purpose, not panic. That’s how you move through the transition pain that always comes with change. That’s how you make a decision and stay standing.
I won’t downplay how hard will be. Change is going to suck for a little while. You’ll question yourself. You’ll feel like you’re freefalling. But freedom and fear often feel the same on the way down. And the only way out is through.
Decide and Don’t Look Back
“In the space between yes and no, there is a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and one you leave behind.”
— Jodi Picoult
Every decision you make is a gateway to a hundred more. Sometimes you’ll choose wrong. That’s inevitable. But if you reflect honestly—without shame—you’ll start to spot the patterns that led you astray. That’s where growth lives.
But here’s the part we don’t say out loud enough: if you continue to make bad decisions over and over again, that’s not bad luck. That’s a lack of awareness. And maybe even a refusal to grow.
If every relationship you enter ends in the same kind of wreckage… if every job you take turns toxic… if every financial move leaves you broke—at some point, you have to stop blaming the universe and start examining the common denominator. I’ll give you a hint: it’s you.
Harsh? Maybe. But necessary. Because disruption doesn’t happen when we tiptoe around truth. It happens when we stare it down.
There’s a difference between making a bad decision and being a bad decision-maker. [Read that again]. One is human. The other is a habit. If you keep defaulting to choices that sabotage your goals, your peace, your potential—then it’s time to disrupt your decision-making blueprint. Rewrite the script. Make discomfort your north star instead of ease. Because every time you choose the easier, more familiar path that leads to regret, you’re reinforcing the same broken pattern.
And remember, indecision is a decision in disguise. It’s the comfort zone in sheep’s clothing. And comfort is the enemy of disruption.
Disrupters don’t get stuck spinning in circles. We get quiet. We flip the coin. We feel the reaction in our bones. We acknowledge the fear, accept the risk, and then we walk straight through it.
The clarity you seek? It’s not in someone else’s opinion. It’s in your reaction to it.
And that, my friends, is how you disrupt your own decision-making loop.
Onward and upward, my fellow disrupters!
Kristen
P.S. I created this decision-making guide to help you navigate when you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed. It asks you to contemplate your intuition (gut) along with how the decision will affect your time, money, goals, sacrifices, and impact. You can download it here.
